typing with gimp finger

new year, new life, new skin.

this week, lets just say i burned my eyes out from looking at numbers for WAAYYY to long. Accounts how do you deal?

but it reminded me of how much and how far i come. now most the time i have more work than i can take. I have to limit my work week or I end up at 70 hours with out my permission.

seriously a bit over a year ago i was sitting at home developing an ulcer, and looking at my phone for work every 5 min.

what holds for this year, good or bad. I don't know. I have been thinking a lot about expectations. We expect life will be increasingly good, increasingly profitable, increasingly beneficial to ourselves and less painful. Being with people in hospice has taught me about life. Life ends, just as it began, it has joy and sorrow. But being american, being human, being flesh we tend to not understand pain, or suffering. Over and over I here: we are not meant to live like this? why do i hurt so bad? read Job. read any bible story.

We don't imagine ourselves paralyzed, in unimaginable pain and unable to do for ourselves.

The world is broken, we are broken, we sin. Sin is dangerous, it spreads over time, causing hunger, pain, broken hearts, war, and murder.

Beyond that though- the problem lay in where you find joy. Everything, everything will fail you in this world. your country, your community, your neighbors, your friends, your technology (as I yell at the computer), your family, yourself. Your joy CANNOT be based in those things, because when it fails, what do you stand on? Joy form Christ, from the perfect, in Him you can enjoy, endure and have hope in all things. To rejoice in Christ, what he has done will never go away, never fail.

When you grow old and life youth fades, friends disappear, your body turns on you, your money cannot put things back together; put your joy and life in Christ.

I have seen what happens to a persons heart who doesn't understand these things.

So for better or worse I will follow.

"Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered and said to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If this be so, our God whom we serve is ABLE to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if NOT, be it known to you, O king, that we will NOT serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.” Daniel 3: 16-18